I haven’t written in a long time. I’m not sure why, but it was almost as if I felt defeated.
Sometimes as much as I would like to believe things will change, people will change, it’s hard for me to believe it. You watch the news… and so much has gone on since I last wrote a post and you can feel helpless. It’s hard not to. Minorities are still a target.
It’s hard to believe and belief is a powerful thing.
I often think about violence and why no one points fingers at society. Normally the focus is too simplistic, make harsher punishments to deter crime (yea, we know that doesn’t work) or make stricter guidelines and regulations for purchasing a gun (we also know this doesn’t work).
When you look at the factors of crime largely it isn’t due to people who are off their rocker, but people who are just completely down on their luck, battling an addiction, or kids who have never seen promise in their communities.
When you look at kids committing crimes it’s important to first realize a few things. 1. psychologically, children/teens aren’t fully developed mentally to even comprehend the extent and the potential consequences of their actions. 2. kids also have this invisible kind of attitude (likely due to the former) believing that “it won’t happen to me.” 3. when you are 16 (let’s say) and have witnessed your whole life your mom/dad/parents/grandma/aunt/cousins/brothers/etc. struggle to survive and DIE in the process of struggle, what do you really believe there is to live for?
These aren’t the only 3 factors, but it’s an important place to start, especially for me at #3. When death is a greater reality than success your will to succeed becomes narrowed and perhaps dies completely. You go to school, but the school in your neighborhood isn’t adequately equipped to handle the amount of students. Teachers (likely) lack the training to deal with children with behavioral issues – that are largely a product of their stressful environment… adults have trouble regulating themselves when dealing with intense stress and kids have a harder time. Schools should be these safe zones – time away from the stress of their home life, but the reality is, it isn’t. Schools have become increasingly more stressful – standardized testing, bullying, and overcrowding producing stressful environment in it of itself. That’s not a place that will take a child forward and prepare them for the world around them. Especially children already suffering in their home and community. Yes, there are exceptions to this, but they are that – exceptions. The majority of people look at that ONE person who made it out, came from a terrible home/community/school and excelled. But out of every 1 that “makes it out” how many were killed/jailed in the process.
I read a great book, Random Family. The author followed a family for 11+ years from childhood to adulthood. With a mom and step father battling addiction the young son (believe it starts with him at 10 or 11) has to find a way to put food in the house and help take care of his siblings. His older sister looks to men to find an escape, only to end up pregnant throughout the book. She finds some comfort in a drug kingpin because he buys her family food. Eventually she ends up in jail for her dealings with him. Her younger brother again needing to take care of his family. He tries school, but that cuts into money-making time, he goes to juvi they make him get education, which eventually he leaves again to make money to support his growing family, he ends up with some kids. It’s just a complete cycle of poverty that is never-ending.
I’ve gone off on a slight tangent detailing the book some, but the fact is, that is a large part of criminal activity among children. The need of money for both themselves and for their family. They are a product of their society a society that has done little to help families in situations similar to his. The courts tried to send him to school, but they didn’t help his family thus forcing him back into criminal activity to support them. His mother was never in a rehab program to stave her need of drugs, perhaps this would’ve taken them out of the stress of poverty – even if just minimally.
Being poor is stressful, stress leads to poor decision-making and thus a cycle continues.
I’m not sure I have the answers to fixing the problem, but I do know we need a total revamp of our government. No more for profit businesses regarding humans, e.g. education, healthcare, prison system. By creating a standard for profit in regards to the betterment of human beings $$ becomes the focus rather than the people.
Food for thought,
notjustmythoughts
p.s. have a great New Year!
Hello all,
I’ve been gone for awhile… So many things I’ve wanted to say in these months left me without the will to say anything. I rejoin you to release something that has been bothering me a bit, and that’s Halloween costumes. Not specifically the costumes, but particularly someone’s reaction to my stating their costume was racially offensive.
She wanted to be a chola – to her it was just a word used to reference Mexican gangbangers in Cali and other parts of the West Coast. In reality, chola is an ethnic slur. Similar to the word nigger, but specifically about Mexican people of poverty. Eventually these gangbangers adopted the word as their own, similar to the common colloquialism of nigga. Blacks adopted this word and took back ownership of it as did Mexicans for cholo/a.
However, just because of the adoption of the word, doesn’t mean it is no longer racially offensive. There is a still a history behind the word, one many do not know, and do not care to learn.
She turned the conversation into a mockery. Refused to see the offensiveness in her actions. Refused to believe that anyone would be hurt by it. I sent articles where people were stating their hurt and offense regarding this costume. Rihanna was a chola for Halloween too. I have the same problem with it when it comes to her as well.
My greatest issue is that people fail to realize that the “little things” are actually big things because they further perpetuate others’ ignorance to the offensiveness of such actions.
notjustmythoughts
I’ve been gone for a minute, but now I’m back. At least with this post.
I know we’ve probably all heard and read enough about the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman case, but I feel I must say something.
The prosecution was selected and hired by the governor. Is it just me that feels herein lies the first issue? With a state like Florida and a government as it is, with its biases and all, how could Trayvon Martin have a fair trial when the government (who continuously fails minorities) selected the representation?
Initially when I heard the verdict I was shocked, but at the same time, not surprised. The law is inherently biased as well as how jurors interpret the law and all its nuances. As my anger subsided, I thought more about the comments of the prosecution during the press statement following the verdict. The lady (forgive me I do not have her name) was first to speak and her words only incited rage within me. She seemed too complacent with the result. The gentleman lawyer, I was happy, showed emotion and spoke of this as a tragedy. The lady’s complacency made me think. Was this the verdict she hoped for? Why wasn’t the prosecution more focused on the events leading up to the altercation detailing how a young individual, who was being tailed, felt threatened by being followed by an adult? For me, this was the key – the ticket to justification of his violent actions toward GZ. Wouldn’t you react in a similar fashion?
I am walking on a dark rainy night, hood up, realizing I am being followed. For blocks. I believe I have evaded the perp, but no – he reappears. My emotions are all over the place. Why am I being followed – I only went to the store. I am tapped on the shoulder (tho this wasn’t the case let’s imagine this as the initial gesture by GZ) I turn around and on reflex, punch the person dead in the face. He falls, I get on top in a ground and pound stance. I felt my life threatened as I am followed while walking home carelessly from a quick run to the store. I acted in defense of my life. I am shot, in the chest at point blank range and die on that cold rainy night.
My act of violence brought my death – or so defense lawyers for GZ would have you believe. I should not have acted in a violent manner. GZ would not have felt threatened. I would have lived. (or would I?)
The first mistake by the prosecution was failing to prove Trayvon reacted (first, second, third -does not matter) in defense of himself. Defense of being followed and not knowing the outcome. An outcome unknown because black men in America have been shot and killed without cause and with no justice. (Sean Bell – does that ring a bell??? just to name ONE).
nojustmythoughts
I am not surprised when I read an article about the negative conduct of courts. I am not surprised when I learn about another conviction overturned. I am not surprised when that conviction took 10+ or even 20+ years to get overturned. I am not surprised.
I am not surprised to learn that people are “paid off” by lower sentencing or even absolution of their records for testimony. I am not surprised people take these deals for their own benefit, knowing damn well they are hurting someone undeserving of their wrath.
I am not surprised that the character of these witnesses were never challenged by defense attorneys. I am not surprised when the jury “of peers” convicts based on weak evidence and weaker testimony.
I am not surprised that most of the times it happens to minorities from poor communities who couldn’t afford a lawyer that actually gave a shit. I am not surprised their lawyer didn’t give a shit. Not to defend the corruption, but even in the most astute and caring lawyers – it’s hard to give a shit when you’re a legal aid paid by the state and have 100+ active case.
I am not surprised there isn’t more awareness of the injustices of the system.
I am not surprised,
notjustmythoughts
Article the spurred this brief writing:
I was reading a NY Daily News Article earlier today – it was an article about a Bronx female gang member who allegedly had a rival male gang member shot and killed. The article goes on to say that both individuals were not the people police describe them as and were “good kids.” The woman was 24 while the male victim was 20. As I was reading the comments, as I often like to do, someone commented “as long as they kill each other it’s fine.”
I have a few issues with this.
One issue is – how can someone, people, society, or anyone think it’s okay for people to kill each other? Aren’t all lives of value? I mean, I get the fact that we think they are “bad” people, but should they just be killed?
Secondly – “they” are not just killing each other. Innocent bystanders are shot and killed frequently. So shouldn’t this now be something to care about (seeing how it was “okay” when it was just themselves”.
Lastly, my biggest issue with this is that no one cares to know what brought these people (or people like them) to a violent life. The problems that created violence. I believe, and Geoffrey Canada would agree, that violence is a learned behavior. People aren’t born with guns in hand. Even the children that are born with a mental disorder that might prompt them to do something dangerous to themselves or others or cause them to be violent – they weren’t born already committing the violence. It may have had less to do with learning violence, in this case, – though the learned behavior of violence still plays a large role – but it has to do with a failed system. The mental health system continues to fail almost anyone who doesn’t have the financial means for private mental health care. The system of cities, ghettos, public housing, public education, and society as a whole also fails these violent individuals from the very beginning. We know, or most know, that much of the violence committed comes from poor areas and by and large poor urban areas. The poor have continually been looked over. Violence is a part of the urban culture of survival. The emergence of guns have been an issue since they entered into the cities. How did they get there? Why do people feel they need to have this grand means of protection or weaponry? What got us to this place and why is violence part of this culture of survival? And yes, us. It’s not just those who are violent. It’s also the people who look at violence as okay – so long as it’s just themselves they kill.
Now that we’ve had this horrific tragedy in Connecticut, people are opening their eyes to senseless violence and guns. A Thai Noodle House Restaurant owner in Austin, TX made an insensitive comment along the lines of, he can’t seem to care about these white kids when it happens to minorities all the time and it goes largely unnoticed. The insensitivity in this, for me, was his timing. It was only shortly after the incident happened. I do find his comment to hold value. He should care that all of these children have died – no matter their color. However, the value is in the truth. Many poor, urban, or minority children are killed in senseless acts of violence. Where is the national outcry for them? Why is just okay when “they” kill each other?
The “they” in the daily news comment reflects the two alleged gang members. They were poor urban minorities.
Time Magazine (I believe the May 14th issue) featured an article about Broadway being for the 1%. This got me thinking about the selling of art and the price people really pay for it…
I can remember going to Broadway and Off Broadway shows and REALLY enjoying them. But as I got older, I stopped going. When I thought about why I realized that their have been plenty of shows I’ve wanted to see, but that were out of my price range.
Broadway plays and musicals add an element of art and creativity to ones life. This beauty should not be a benefit withheld solely for one class. I enjoyed this as a child. It makes me appreciate the arts. It awakened my imagination and brought illusion to real life. It was more than a screen it was a moment you lived and felt.
Now with the prices rising to the verge of unaffordable people are losing out on this experience. I just wonder what that means…
notjustmythoughts
A search on dictionary.com for “trumping up” leads to the definition: to devise deceitfully or dishonestly, as an accusation; fabricate. Now try a Google search for “to trump someone.” yourdictionary.com leads you to: get the better of someone through a hidden source. Vocabulary.com says, “is to outrank or defeat someone, or something, often in a highly public way.”
I give you these 3 definitions as a prelude to my story. Before I give you the story however, I would like you to think about, why would you “trump up” someone or something? This is a true story, of a good friend of mine, but to respect him and give some kind of anonymity I will call him Mr. South. He’s from the south, but moved to New York partly to get away from the life he was heading toward.
South is about 26. He moved to New York a few years ago. He was working nights full time at a well known store in Manhattan. He was well liked, went to school, and lived on his own in room he rented. His managers liked him, he never caused or got into any trouble. In fact, he was promoted during the time he worked there. In school, he did well. He liked architecture and went to City College of New York not far from his home. He was receiving financial aid in order to afford school. He liked it. He felt good about it – about himself. He’d left “that life” behind. He still went back home from time to time; he has family there, friends.
I genuinely like South. He’s a good guy. His past does not make him, but rather shaped the man he was becoming – the man he wanted to be. The man he will be. The past is always with you, a part of you, and helped you either positively or negatively become who you stand to be in your future. For South, it was proving positive. Back home he had gotten into trouble when he was younger, gun charge, two gun charges, and a [short] time in jail for it. That’s why he wanted something different. That’s why he moved. He’d seen people close to him fall to a fate he did not want for himself – death and prison.
His future is on pause.
South is currently in Manhattan’s Detention Center (MDC). What happened right? I just finished telling you he was a good guy telling you that he was someone who was on the road to positive things, better things than the MDC. South is currently being held on a 20K cash bond – not that 10% bail bondsman kind of deal. It will cost $20,000 for him to see and breathe day light – aside from the rooftop of the MDC.
I couldn’t believe it. Why was South there? I conjured up all these ideas in my head. None of them seemed believable. I knew him. I thought at least. It just didn’t make sense, it didn’t add up. South’s most serious charge is 1st degree felony robbery. Did you check what that means? Queensdefense.com says, “robbery in the First Degree is a class B violent felony in New York. This is the most serious form of robbery and it carries a 25 year maximum prison term upon conviction and a five year mandatory minimum for someone with no criminal record.” South has a previous record, a gun charge. He didn’t hurt someone with the gun. He had it on his person and was caught with it. It was not licensed to him. The fact that he did not hurt someone does not make having a gun illegally okay. I do not condone the use of guns for any means, except hunting [animals], but I digress. South could face 25 years if convicted of this charge. What the deck did he do!
I went to see him – myself and a friend he also knows. The experience was a bit surreal. We went with no belongings except for our ID, money, and a Metro Card. We walked through a metal detector upon entering the front. We dropped our money, ID, and Metro Card in a bin similar to those at the airport. We were still search. We turned our pockets inside out and showed we had nothing. I guess somehow the lack of belongings seemed strange. We got to bypass the next line. We didn’t have any bags. We gave our names, our ID, or finger prints, and the arrest # of the person we were going to see. He’s a number now, even though his name is listed alongside those numbers when they pull him up in the system. If you’re going to treat people like cattle, you’ve got to dehumanize them first – tagged and numbered just like cattle. We went through another door. Walked through a metal detector, dropped our things in another bin, took off all our jewelry, our piercings, everything, and were told to wear this huge (and hideous) lime green shirts. I love loud colors, but even these were too much to bare. We waited for our names to be called. We hadn’t told South we were coming. Would he accept the visit? I didn’t know, after all I couldn’t even believe we were there to see him. I looked around the room. It was black, brown, and that hideous green, not the walls, the people. I thought to myself, damn, not even one person closely resembling white. We were called. Went through this capsule like door with no shoes on. (What was on this floor?) and got extensively search. Our bras were checked, the soles of our feet, the insoles of our shoes, the bottoms of them, the lining of our underwear, pockets (again), damn near every inch of us was checked. We got in sat down – in two chairs they had to connect for us (because some how our chairs connecting make a difference) and finally South came down. He wore a jump suit and slippers. He said that was what he wore for “work”. He worked in the visiting area. We were his first and only visitors in the three months he had been there. I was glad I came. He had gained some weight. It looked good on him, though – I wish high caloric jail food wasn’t the source of it. We made a little small talk before I asked, “so what happened?!” “I knew that was coming” South said. Of course we were going to ask him. We didn’t go through the cattle treatment to NOT ask. He told us. South had loaned some guy some money. He dipped and dodged him for months. South counted it as an L (a loss) until he saw him months later. South approached him, beat him up, and took his phone. About 5 blocks later cops ran up on him as he was going to the train station – guns drawn like he just killed someone. Someone (or the guy) called the cops. South had the guys phone, so they knew it was him, and he was taken in. South didn’t use a weapon, He didn’t beat him up to a pulp. He didn’t die, break anything, go into a coma, nothing major. Most people would just say, the dude got was coming to him. If anything it was larceny since the phone was (technically) worth over $600.
WHAT?! Are you thinking what I was thinking? 1st Degree Felony Robbery for an iPhone and a little beat down the guy deserved. He owed his debt and South found his payment that day. That’s how it should’ve gone, but instead South is still in the MDC. He’s been there since July. South lost his job, his apartment, and his education. He sees it as a set back. He still plans to move on with his life positively after this, but if he’s charge with a felony – there goes his chance for federal financial aid. Felons aren’t award that kind of aid. You’re let out with the intention and good faith that you will be a positive contribution to society. How could you do that without a college education? We all know college is more than important when looking for a quality job.
He’s charged with a few lesser things, but they’ve trumped up the charges on him. Largely the reasoning behind trumping the charges is to implicate someone as well as painting a deceitful picture of the individual. The city is getting approximately $300 from him for every day he’s in there. That’s without the virtually free work they get from him in the visiting center. He gets paid a few cents an hour and people say slavery doesn’t exist. The slavery and the money the city is getting has to be justifiable. You can’t just make that kind of money off of someone without justification. And so, South is charged with 1st degree felony robbery for the theft of an iPhone and a minor beat down the guy had coming to him anyway. It was his poor decision that lead him to the arrest. Yes, that I believe as does he. But being in the Manhattan Detention Center since mid-July, losing your job, your apartment, and a chance at losing your education for an iPhone – well you just couldn’t trump that story unless of course they’ve trumped your charges too.
notjustmythoughts
Dedicated to South and the many others (largely black and brown) that are cattled thru the system daily on trumped charges.
This morning as I walked to work I saw a police officer asleep in his patrol car. I work in the heart of Times Square. Every morning there are a dozens of officers, mostly standing around chatting amongst themselves. Some direct tourists to the different attractions. This morning, one officer head back mouth gaped open was stone cold asleep. They are supposed to patrol, keep guard, and make sure everything is safe to protect and serve. I don’t get to sleep on the job and my role is not nearly as important as ensuring the safety of millions of New Yorkers and tourists that pass through the streets of Times Square.
I’m not surprised this happened. If I had asked another officer, he would’ve told me something along the lines of “he worked a double” or “our job is really arduous.” But really, while this officer was literally asleep many others figuratively sleep on the job.
What I mean? Look around you, open the papers, think about your own experiences with a New York police officer there are many occasions where they’ve been “sleeping” on their duties.
It seems long ago they’ve forgotten to protect. They’ve forgotten how to serve. Well no, they know how to protect and serve their own. But why isn’t “their own” the people of the city? We are their employers, if you think about it technically. I pay my taxes, which in part, go to their salaries, their resources – them. I don’t feel protected. Have you ever been stopped? I have. I was nervous, afraid, cautious. I was unsure how this situation might play out. I wasn’t armed, but they were and it seemed that they walked to me with their right hip protruding. Saying, I have this [gun]. I have the power. You – you must obey.
I was pulled over one time for making a left turn in an intersection where it was prohibited. I hadn’t realized. I’m familiar with the neighborhood, but it wasn’t my own and I hadn’t noticed. A police van was behind me. I had my signal. He waited behind me until I found the right moment to make my turn. He turned with me. I got pulled over. I of course received a ticket. Before that however, I asked why had I been pulled over. When he told me, I said, you couldn’t flash your lights? You couldn’t go over the speaker and tell me to keep moving? I fought the ticket and won. Sure I committed the “crime” but I felt even in the simplest of instances your job is to protect me. Turns aren’t allowed at certain intersections because of the volume of traffic making it a difficult and often dangerous place. He allowed me to turn in danger. He didn’t protect. I beat the ticket. He failed to do his job.
That’s a very minor example. We all know, hear, read the stories about an officer shooting an innocent victim often times in an aggressive manner.
They always seem to be sleeping on their job. To protect and serve, but who?
notjustmythoughts
Daily News article: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/boy-13-accused-killing-2-year-old-brother-youngest-florida-inmate-awaiting-trial-article-1.1161131?pgno=2
Christian Fernandez has seen and endured a full life of pain and destruction in his 13 years of life. Born to a 12 year old mother, a victim of sexual assault, and a drug addicted grandmother he had little chance to start his life “normal.” His mother was a child. She couldn’t protect herself. She couldn’t protect him. Instead, he had a life of sexual and violent assault against him. Adults who were to protect him hurt him. He didn’t know a life of love, of emotion, of care. That became all to apparent when he sexually assaulted his younger brother and killed his 2 year old brother. He doesn’t express emotion when asked about things regarding emotion, he says, “you have to suck it up and get over it.” He has lived, in 13 years, only a life of pain and hurt. No one protected him. No one showed him that’s what you’re supposed to do – protect your family. He, instead, was shown how to hurt his family. How to take advantage of them, how to beat them, how to assault them, how to show no mercy, and no love.
Now, at 13, he faces the potential of life behind bars. Someone like him should not be on the streets. He doesn’t know how to care about anyone, not even himself. Prison however, will do nothing for him except harden him more. At 13, you should be given a chance at life – a life he never had a real chance at.
sad for this boy (and his victims),
notjustmythoughts
notjustmythoughts 